I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
