I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
