If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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