Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
