She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
