They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
