Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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