omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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