How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize