was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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