There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
