remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
