it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
