I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
