My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
