i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
