unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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