I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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