My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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