4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
