This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
