Don't make out with my wife yet
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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