you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I believe in your delicious
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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