we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
