my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
