Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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