I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
