you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
