I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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