haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
