I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
