ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Drake has all the answers
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
