Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
