i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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