I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
