I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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