i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
