tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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