i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize