I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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