who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
