bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
