I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
