So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
