Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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