I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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