We won't sleep together?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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