In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
