i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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