I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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