do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You were trust falling into bushes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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