I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
