there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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