someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize