We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
