just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
