nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
