You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize