Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
