I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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