we're chasing vodka with high fives
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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