How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my being single is dangerous.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize