Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
