I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
