So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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