she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
