I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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