I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
