look no pants
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize