I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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