Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
