Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
