I'm going to jail i love you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
