Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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