why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
