why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
