You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
