i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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