so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
