i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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