like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
