FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
