I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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