nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
