Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
