Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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