he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
