he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
