I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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