3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
