the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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