The maid of honor just puked.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
