I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
