She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
