either way he was missing a nipple.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
