Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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