this boner is exhausting
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
