Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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