I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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